The Girls Are Mine

Obviously a reference to the Michael Jackson song. Why did I choose this as the title you may ask. I do not own my children, you can't own another person. Well it is because of the notion that the first man a girl ever loves is her father. I am the most important man in their lives and I always will be. They need to know that I don't take that responsibility lightly. Strength, courage, intelligence, empathy, assertiveness, and self-confidence are just some of the things they need from me. Only I can provide the support and guidance they need to stand strong against the vile culture that assaults them on all sides; on TV, in magazines, even walking through the mall, only I can bring them to a healthier place. That is why I say they are mine, I am willing to do whatever I have to to protect them from the world around them.

A little extreme you may say, well just think about it; daughters beam when they speak of there fathers if there father is the man he should be for them. My daughters watch each move I make, they laugh when I laugh, they cry when I cry, they light-up when I encourage them and frown when I reprimand them.

Some facts
* Toddlers securely attached to fathers are better at solving problems (M. Easterbrooks and Wendy A Goldberg in "Toddler Development in the Family: Impact of Father Involvement and Parenting Characteristics")

* With dads present at home kids manage school stress better. (Rebekah Levin Coley "Children's Socialization Experiences and Functioning in Single Mother Households")

* Girls whose fathers provide warmth and control achieve higher academic success. (Rebekah Levin Coley "Children's Socialization Experiences and Functioning in Single Mother Households")

* Girls who are close to there fathers exhibit less anxiety and withdraw behaviors. (A Morcoen and K Verschuren "Representation of self and socioemotional competence in kindergartners: differential and combined effects of attachment to mothers and fathers")

* Girls with doting fathers are more assertive (Journal of American Medical association 10, pgs 823-32)

* Daughters who perceive that their fathers care allot about them, who feel connected to their fathers, have significantly fewer suicide attempts and fewer instances of body dissatisfaction, depression, low self-esteem, substance abuse, and unhealthy weight. (American Journal of Preventive Medicine 1 pg 59-66)

* Girls with involved fathers are twice as likely to stay in school (US Department of Health and Human Services, National Center for Health Statistics, Survey on Child Health 1993)

* A daughters self-esteem is best predicted by her father's physical affection. (Greg J Duncan, Martha Hill, and W. Jean Yeung "Fathers' Activities and Children's Attainments" Father Facts on www.fatherhood.org)

* Girls with fathers who are involved in their lives have higher quantitative and verbal skills and higher intellectual functioning. (Harris Goldstein "Fathers' absence and cognitive developments of 12-17 year-olds")

* Girls whose parents divorce or separate before they turn 21 tend to have shorter life spans by 4 years. (Joseph E schwartz "Sociodemographic and psychological factors in childhood as predictors of adult mortality" American Journal of Public Health 85)

* Girls with good fathers are less likely to flaunt themselves to seek male attention. (Claudette Wassil-Grimm, Where's Daddy? How Divorced, Single and Widowed Mothers Can Provide What's Missing When Dad's Missing)

* Girls with involved fathers wait longer to initiate sex and have lower rates of teen pregnancy.(Lee Smith "The new welfare of illegitimacy" Fortune April 1994 pg 81-94)

* 76% of teen girls said that fathers influenced their decisions on whether to become sexually active.(Mark Clemens, Parade, Feb. 1997; E M Hetherington and B Martin "Family Interactions")

* Kids do better academically if their fathers establish rules and exhibit affection.(C D Ryff and M M Seltzer, The Parental Experience in Midlife)


So as the research overwhelmingly suggests, a father involved in the day to day upbringing of his daughter will raise a girl who does better in school, is emotionally better adjusted and less likely to engage in pre-marital sex and experience the horrors of alcohol and drug abuse. This is why I have taken the stand I have. Without me their chances are greatly reduced of becoming happy, healthy, adults.

This is not to discount the influence of a mother on her child, but it is the father that will ultimately make or break who she becomes. That is why I sing to the valleys and mountains 'the girls is mine' and let the world know if you want to get to her you have to go through me.

Amor Fati